maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
