my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
