So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
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He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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