sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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