She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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