Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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