ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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