I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize