my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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