I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
