Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
