Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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