my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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