u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
