So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
