he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
