I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Drunk is not a location!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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