Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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