I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Ladies don't puke and tell
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
