i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
