I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
