I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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