please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
