having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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