why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
