that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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