Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize