So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
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Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
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She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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