Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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