I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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