Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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