Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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