So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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