One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
