carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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