Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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