I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
