I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize