and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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