Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I DEMAND FORESKIN
its liver damage thursday
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
