good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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