did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
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you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
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They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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