we made out on top of his cat.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
