Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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