I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
