Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
