she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
50% drunk capacity currently
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
