Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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