I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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