I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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