i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
