I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
