Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
