some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
