Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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