NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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