I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
