so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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