have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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