That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
