i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
