you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
