it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
