also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
