dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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