as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
