The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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