i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
