When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
organizing the empties. That sober.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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