Where did you get a picture of my penis
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
