I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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