Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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