you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
