the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
