apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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