So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
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If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
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But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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