just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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